Miscellaneous
Engineering Insights
The U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That is an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, & the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English build them that way? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, & that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs & tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. So why did the wagons have that particular odd spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that was the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe (and England) were built by Imperial Rome for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? The ruts in the roads, which everyone had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels, were first formed by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for (or by) Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The U.S. standard railroad gauge of 4 feet-8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Specifications & bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification & wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back end of two war horses. Thus we have the answer to the original question.
Now for the twist to the story.......
When we see a space shuttle sitting on it's launching pad, there are two booster rockets attached to the side of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRB's might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory had to run thru a tunnel in the mountains. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, & the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' rumps. So, the major design feature of what is arguably the worlds most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass!!!
Don't you just love engineering?
Friendship Week
His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.
"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."
"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied, waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.
"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.
"Yes", the farmer replied proudly.
"I'll make you a deal. Let me take him and give him a good education. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll grow to a man you can be proud of." And that he did.
In time, Farmer Fleming's son graduated from St.Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia. What saved him? Penicillin. The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill.
Someone once said: What goes around comes around. It's National Friendship Week. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND.
New sayings that should be on buttons...
1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
5. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
7. This isn't an office -- It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
9. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
10. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
11. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
12. You! Off my planet!
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
self-control.
15. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
16. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
17. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
18. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
19. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
20. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
21. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
22. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
23. And just how may I screw you over today?
24. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
25. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
26. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
27. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
28. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
29. Allow me to introduce my selves.
30. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
31. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
32. Better living through denial.
33. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
34. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them .
35. Adult child of alien invaders.
36. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
37. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
38. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
39. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
40. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
41. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
42. After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
43. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
44. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
45. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
46. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
47. Adults are just kids who owe money.
48. One of us is thinking about sex..... OK, it's me.
49. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
50. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
51. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
52. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
53. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
54. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
55. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
56. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
57. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
58. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. {Ouch!!}
59. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
60. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
61. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
62. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the Earth.
63. Earth is full. Go home.
64. Is it time for your medication or mine?
65. I plead contemporary insanity.
66. And which dwarf are you?
67. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
68. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
69. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
70. Meandering to a different drummer.
71. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
72. I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?
73. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
74. Does this condom make me look fat?
75. A woman's favorite position is CEO
Interesting
It is time to elect a world leader and your vote counts. Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.
Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college, and drinks a quart of brandy every evening.
Candidate C: is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any illicit affairs.
Which of these candidates is your choice?
Please scroll down to know better about them
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler
Kind of scary, eh?
Lincoln and Kennedy
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Kennedy'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln'.
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.
Things You Never Knew
What occurs more often in December than any other month of the year?
- Conception.
Only 14% of Americans say they've done this with the opposite sex. What is it?
- Skinny dipping.
What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS, from every other TV show?
- No theme song/music. (although there is the clock ticking)
Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
- Their birthplace. (personally I find this hard to believe)
Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
- "Obsession"
More women do this in the bathroom than men.
- Wash their hands. Women: 80% - Men: 55%
What do 100% of all lottery winners do?
- Gain weight.
In a recent survey, Americans revealed that this was their favorite smell.
- Banana
If you were to spell out numbers in English, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
- One thousand (wow, that's strange)
What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
- Were all invented by women.
Married men revealed that they do this twice as often as single men.
- Change their underwear. (that's because they now have someone to do their laundry)
This stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.
- A kiss
This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
- Honey
There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year.
- Father's Day
What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic?
- He was allergic to carrots.
40% of all people who come to a party in your home do this?
- Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
3.9% of all women surveyed say they never do this.
- Wear underwear.
About 1/3 of all Americans say they do this while sitting?
- Flush the toilet.
85% of the guys who die while having sex are doing this.
- Cheating on their wives.
Statements to ponder
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
29. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
32. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
39. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
43. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Dilbertisms
Dilbert's newest additions to add to your vocabulary in the late 90s office environment:
Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.
Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 URL Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. Used as in: "Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in: "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."
Ohno-second - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my ... um ... friend."
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Going Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages who feel that there is nothing that
an AK-47 and a rooftop couldn't solve.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
G.O.O.D. Job: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
Yuppie Food Stamps: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
Only In America
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage...
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering!
Around the corner I have a friend
Around the corner I have a friend
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone
And I never see my old friend's face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell,
And he rang mine.
We were much younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say "I will call on Jim"
"Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner!- yet miles away,
Here's a telegram sir-"
"Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
If you love someone, tell them.
Remember always to say what you mean.
Never be afraid to express yourself.
Take this opportunity to tell someone
what they mean to you.
Seize the day and have no regrets.
Most importantly, stay close to your
friends and family, for they have helped
make you the person that you are today
and are what it's all about anyway.
Pass this along to your friends.
The difference between
expressing love and having regrets
is that the regrets may stay around
forever.
Quotes of the day
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend his time with fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan
More quotes of the day
"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."
--Author Unknown
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
-- Ann Bancroft
Any husband who says "My wife and I are completely equal partners" is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
-- Bill Cosby
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
-- Benjamin Franklin
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds.
--Cindy Garner
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
-- Elaine Boosler
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
--Rita Rudner
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am aforgiving woman Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
-- Erma Bombeck
Men are like fine wine. "They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."
